Question: My husband and I are celebrating our 31st anniversary. We have been through so much together and I have seen how much he has grown as a compassionate person. My question to you is, after being together for so long – should I worry about us becoming complacent? How can I ensure we stay connected and strong for years to come?
Answer: I am so completely inspired by your question. 31 years together is a long time and I acknowledge that you celebrate the growth of compassion in your husband.
Given you are asking for my support I’m confident that you too are committed to growth and evolution as well. I truly think this is a foundational pillar in a marriage keeping things ever unfolding into greater and greater connection, intimacy and Glory.
Anytime someone begins a question with, should I worry… I let them know that worry is a low vibration, a contracted state of awareness, fear-based and bound to attract our worst case scenario. Words are very powerful thus I invite you to only ask instead, What would it take to ensure we stay connected and strong for years to come… As you did in your second question. Brilliant!
While many people think connection comes from being approved of, appreciated, agreed with and thought to be good, true and right… I believe true connection comes from being deeply seen and understood in a safe sanctuary of non-judgment.
Of course it’s always awesome to be approved of an appreciated! However deep intimacy and a profound connection that goes beyond words… lives in the realm of energy that is created through being deeply heard in a space of total allowance.
So how do we create that?
When we can make contact with our self in a state of uncertainty or frustration or fear of rejection… and still have our own back, still open our heart, still communicate in a straight kind way with our partner… we create a safe secure place for them to tell the truth.
So in Chapter 5 of this book, Rituals of Intimacy, I go through a form of communication called a ‘Dyad’… And it’s something you could begin to do now once a week on date night to deepen your connection for decades to come.
Another place to learn about this form of communication and also to heal any lingering frustration or anger about the past and also heal any wounds in the heart so as to be able to be present and connected with yourself so that you can be present and connected with another… Is in my home study program called Hearts played wide open, another phenomenal resource to go deeper with these dyads.
What you’ll find is that you think you know who you are and your husband thinks he knows who he is… Yet in these magical communication tools called dyads, you will literally discover parts of yourself hidden underneath the everyday content of your mind. It will feel fresh and new invulnerable and delicious to reveal new parts of yourself to your partner. This aliveness will nourish your marriage and keep it strong over the long-term.
Again thank you ever so much for being so proactive and a lifelong learner and so committed to your marriage… You are my inspiration 🙂 humongous love, Allana
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