David Washington: Recover and Reclaim

The Bristlecone Project is an awareness campaign of 1in6.org. Photographs and text by David Lisak, Ph.D.

David recalls a carefree, happy childhood, with plenty of freedom to ride his bike, be a child. All was shattered in one day, at age seven, when two teenagers lured him to a house and raped him. David disclosed immediately, his assailants were convicted, but hardly punished. But one of the most scarring aspects of the trauma was his otherwise loving mother’s comment: “Look at what you’re doing to this family.” It cemented what David had already internalized, that he was raped because he was bad.

It has been a long road back from that dark place, a road that has been graced with music. David picked up a saxophone and “it was like God said, ‘I need to give you something in order for you to survive this’.” His talent led to scholarships, but then he faced another challenge: at 14, he had throat cancer. Feeling abandoned by God, David began drinking, and he drank for years, ultimately becoming homeless. But two men believed in him; his father, and man named James White, David’s “angel.” With their faith, and guidance, David found his way back to college, to treatment for his childhood trauma, and eventually to a master’s degree. Today, David provides trauma treatment to men who are involved in Maryland’s criminal justice system. And he gets to travel the world spreading the word about how other institutions can bring healing to men who have been discarded by society. The Mustang (see second photo) was a gift from his father.

Originally posted on 1in6.org

Do you want to be part of creating a kinder, more inclusive society?
bottom of post widget GMP community logo (1)

The post David Washington: Recover and Reclaim appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2P69OYv

When Building Your Biz…Don’t Be Afraid to Look Like an Idiot

So many people seem to consider ditching the 9-5 and going for the entrepreneurial lifestyle. The key word here is “consider.” Five years ago, I was one of those people, until multiple illnesses pushed me out of the workforce. Suddenly, jobless, and insurance-less, I had no choice but to reinvent myself as a business owner. Before I got sick, I cushioned my mind with comforting reassurances: you have a job. You don’t need to go out on your own where it’s not safe. You are secure where you are you don’t want to depend on your commitment to a business to get paid.

No, I didn’t.

But without long-term Lyme disease and transverse myelitis, I never would’ve gotten my marketing business off the ground.

A new business owner will contend with obstacles, minus chronic fatigue, and neuropathy. A sick business owner must juggle the need to provide, to rest, to overcome mental barriers, and navigate medical appointments and treatment.

It’s safe to say fatigue, confusion, inexperience, lack of research, oblivious trust and excitement caused some of my worst mistakes.

At the time of these oversights, I was mortified and wanted to creep into a hole. Since these moments, I know that when we make mistakes we are being given invaluable information we would never get otherwise. If we were looking for the right direction to point our intentions, screwing up makes it abundantly clear: DO NOT GO THAT WAY.

Here are my top five fave business mistakes I have made over the years. I cringe even reliving them, but they were absolutely necessary to reach new levels. By sharing them, I am inviting you to do the same. Let’s start living our learning out loud. Let’s not be ashamed of what we didn’t know we didn’t know.

Running a business is such a sloppy process. When you are immersed in the trenches with mud up to your thighs you become an expert in every aspect of your business. That is necessary to run a solid business. You must know the intimate details of each role in your business even if you are not the one responsible for managing it.

Top Five Eff Ups

  1. That I overpriced a ghostwriting book by about $60,000. This, due to lack of research, credible resources, and the misunderstanding of how my skills stacked up against seasoned ghostwriters. I was told, “Out of all the ghostwriters we talked to, yours was the highest estimate by a LOT.” Lesson: estimating price has everything to do with your experience.
  2. That I accepted work for an offshore betting company. Go with me here…the assumption was that I would not be doing anything illegal as long as I was only working on the marketing. Still, it felt skeevy and I left abruptly, denied a week and a half of work I had undertaken. Lesson: when you want something so bad you cry in joy when it’s given to you, you will be soon crying for another reason.
  3. Unfamiliar overseas money transactions to a person named Princess Sunshine or something along those lines… And I repeat: “I still didn’t get the transfer, can you please re-send?” No. But I will block you. Lesson: listen to your gut and if you can’t confirm facts, wait to act until you can. Also, you have the right to put distance between yourself and anyone else.
  4. Believing the intention of people who want to help “fund” the business and doing no background checking. When a wealthy individual comes along and seems like the answers to your prayers, funneling clients to your door, and then you do research and discover this person has no footprint, it’s time to cut ties. Lesson: you can be a sitting duck to people even if all you are doing is toodling along and minding your business. And sometimes BECAUSE of that. If you appear desperate, beware of what “solution” may show up at your door.
  5. Charging an average of $37.50 per blog for 32 blogs in one month. Lesson: Don’t be afraid to say no and refuse what is not best for you…or even respectable. Stand your ground on your value. I had this gig for two months and at the end of it…what did I have to show for it? Bloody eyeballs.

 

Let’s break the business stigma and share our hard lessons to protect other people and save them from our pain.

Finally, it’s so helpful to remember that embarrassment won’t kill you…and you will have to face it again in your business dealings. Extract the lesson, chuckle or cry, then brush off your shirt and move on to better days.

In the midst of those lessons were some of the most joyful days of my life where I discovered the deepest well of my potential.

No regerts regrets about that! 😉

__

Photo credit: Pexels/Gratisography

 

The post When Building Your Biz…Don’t Be Afraid to Look Like an Idiot appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2Uhhb0k

Watch a Crazy Idea Come to Fruition in ‘The Perfect Date’

the perfect date, comedy, adaptation, noah centineo, matt walsh, review, awesomeness films, netflix

A risky plan is put into action in ‘The Perfect Date’

I have watched a few films on Netflix lately. Each one tells a different story and take viewers on some pretty amazing journeys. I originally saw Noah Centineo in To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. He was pretty good in it so naturally when I heard he was in The Perfect Date I was looking forward to watching it. I was able to get a screener for this film and this is what I thought of it.

the perfect date, comedy, adaptation, noah centineo, matt walsh, review, awesomeness films, netflix

(c) Netflix

You can read the plot for ‘The Perfect Date’ here:

Brooks Rattigan has the academic chops to get into his dream Ivy League school, but what he’s missing is an outstanding extracurricular — and the money. When he seizes on an opportunity to make some extra cash by posing as the boyfriend of a self-assured, combat boot-loving girl named Celia Lieberman, he finds he has a knack for being the perfect stand-in. Together with his programmer friend Murph, Brooks launches an app selling himself as a plus-one for all occasions. Along the way, he meets the girl of his dreams. But when business starts to boom, Brooks must reassess everything he was once sure of.

the perfect date, comedy, adaptation, noah centineo, matt walsh, review, awesomeness films, netflix

(c) Netflix

The Perfect Date was a fun movie. Yet it was pretty obvious how things were going to turn out. What hurts this film the most is there isn’t a lot of originality here. The app adds a modern feel to it, but the romantic aspect for the most part is pretty cookie cutter. From the moment Brooks meets Celia it was clear what was going to happen. Maybe this was because I have watched a few romantic comedies in my time, but it left me wishing they had taken a bolder direction with this story. I can see some people enjoying it, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

the perfect date, comedy, adaptation, noah centineo, matt walsh, review, awesomeness films, netflix

(c) Netflix

The Perfect Date premieres tomorrow on Netflix.

The post Watch a Crazy Idea Come to Fruition in ‘The Perfect Date’ appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2v2twuM

How to Be More Productive According to the Japanese Guru, Marie Kondo

With the launch of the 2019 Netflix special, “Tidying Up With Marie Kondo”, Marie has quickly become a household name with her method of helping people declutter their lives to better focus their energies.

Can work “spark joy” aka Marie Kondo style? It’s fair to hope as much since you spend so much of your time doing it! The mantra and way of life for Japanese tidying guru, Marie Kondo, can be applied to the workplace so that you too can experience joy with what you do and how you do it.

1. Streamline Your Focus

Employees, executives, and entrepreneurs often experience the following scenario. You had a clear vision of what your contribution would be when you joined the company or started a company. But over time, like those clothes with tags you purchased for a vacation once got buried so deeply in the back of your closet that you forgot they even exist, your focus evolved.

Call it shiny object syndrome or change management, but do you still know what your purpose is? Do you even know which part of what you do at work is most valuable to the company? Has the company grown fat that it’s no longer as efficient and streamlined as it once was when it was just the founder and a few employees?

It may be time to take a clear look at your best contributions, your vision, and your purpose so that you can strip away the nonessential. No, that doesn’t mean going around wielding a hatchet and firing entire departments or dropping what you’re currently working on. Instead, take a careful look to ensure you are still delivering on your vision and spending 80% of your energy on the top 20% of profit centers.

“When we really delve into the reasons for why we can’t let something go, there are only two: an attachment to the past or fear for the future.” – Marie Kondo

No doubt it is challenging to drop entire segments of the company’s production, but what if that’s what the market and your customers want? It’s much like when Ford announced that it would be dropping all but 2 cars from its North American dealerships to exclusively focus on trucks and SUVs.

Earlier this year, James Farley, the company’s president of global markets, said Ford is “shifting from cars to utilities,” which have been a bigger profit driver. Ford learned what their customers love and shed the rest. Marie Kondo would approve.

Perform the necessary evaluation to determine what stays and what goes. Bring in neutral parties to weigh in on these potentially tough decisions.

2. Are your employees, colleagues, and subordinates best suited in their positions?

These days, studies show people work harder for praises than raises. Companies are finding that strictly financial perks are not enough to satisfy their employees. When is the last time you made an assessment of your own contributions (or others you are responsible for) to find out if you are best suited for the position and tasks you’ve been given? The same goes for your subordinates, employees, and teams.

This process seems daunting but doesn’t have to be. Meeting with each employee (or your boss) to review job descriptions and work assignments kills two birds with one stone. On the one hand, you’re following Kondo’s sage advice of “dramatic reorganization.” You’re also flexing your workplace communication muscles- a soft skill that you can’t afford not to use.

Listening to each person and empathizing and validating any complaints is not opening up Pandora’s Box. Tackling a challenge head on may seem frightening at first but is key to preventing greater problems down the line.

“A dramatic reorganization of the home causes correspondingly dramatic changes in lifestyle and perspective. It is life transforming.” – Marie Kondo

3. Graceful Gratitude

Expressing gratitude and showering praise comes easier to some than others. Call it personality style or call it extroverted, it pays to be appreciative. The simply selfish reason to express more gratitude is that people do more of what you want when they feel appreciated.

This is the simplest way to get someone to change. Change will happen organically when more appreciation is shared. An employee who feels appreciated by their superior, will rise to the occasion and do more of that behavior. A boss that feels appreciated for all of his/her efforts will stretch to give more.

Get comfortable with expressing gratitude at work. Not only will you see more of what you want to see, you actually become a more positive person – beginning to view people in a more positive light, rather than always looking for negatives.

If expressing appreciation seems difficult, follow the 5:1 ratio. For every one negative observation that you need to share, be it negative feedback or constructive criticism, be sure to share at least 5 positive observations.

Like anything worth doing in life, half the battle is starting. Tidying up is going to be one of those tasks. While making changes to your focus, contribution, and communication with others can “stir up dust” that may have lain dormant for a while, the end results are well worth the exercise.

Which one of the above tips from Marie Kondo resonated most with you and why? Let us know your thoughts below!

source https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/how-to-be-more-productive-according-to-the-japanese-guru-marie-kondo/

How To Kiss Financial Irresponsibility Goodbye Forever


Americans are notorious for making lots of money and being incredibly poor managers of their abundant harvests. While flashy spenders and YOLO lovers may get all of the attention on Instagram, it’s the smart, fiscally-savvy men who end up on top.

How to Embrace Fiscal Responsibility

If your water heater suddenly gives out and the plumber says you need a new one, do you have enough money to purchase one? If your car has some mechanical issues and needs a major repair, could you foot the bill?

According to a recent Bankrate survey, 34 percent of American households experienced a major unexpected expense over the last year, yet just 39 percent of respondents were able to cover a $1,000 setback using cash savings. In other words, 3 out of 5 households are barely scraping by. In many cases, these are households that bring in $75,000 to $150,000 per year, so it’s not an income-earning issue for most Americans. Instead, it’s the direct byproduct of poor money management.

As a father, much of this responsibility falls on your shoulders. It’s time to say goodbye to the immature financial behaviors of the past. By embracing fiscal responsibility, you can set yourself up for stability and pave the way for future opportunities that are only afforded to families that are disciplined enough to save and invest.

Here are some practical steps you can take:

1. Create a Budget (And Live Within Your Means).

Let’s begin with budgeting – the glue that holds everything together. If you don’t have a budget, you have no way of telling your money where to go. On some months, things may work out. But in most cases, you’ll overspend and under-save.

Take the time to sit down and develop a budget. Pull up all of your accounts, bills, and statements. Get an idea of what you’re spending and put it down on paper. Then figure out exactly how much your monthly take-home pay is. Reconcile these numbers so that you’re spending less than you make and are living within your means.

2. Pay Down Debt.

After developing your budget, you’ll realize just how constricting debt is. Between car notes, credit card balances, and student loan payments, you can easily spend half of your paycheck on debt. By the time you throw in your rent/mortgage, most of your monthly income is gone.

The best thing you can do for your financial future is to pay off debt as quickly as you can. Without any debt payments, you’ll essentially give yourself a raise. You’ll rediscover thousands of dollars per year – money you can use to make smart decisions.

3. Build Up Credit.

While credit card debt and car loans aren’t recommended, there are instances where good debt can help you improve your financial situation. But if you’re coming out of a situation in which you had lots of delinquent debts, you probably lack the credit score needed to obtain favorable loans.

Now’s the time to focus on building up your credit score. Using a credit card that’s specifically intended for people with bad credit is a good start. By using small amounts of credit and making payments on time and in full, you’ll gradually bring your score up and gain access to quality loan products.

4. Establish a Cash Savings.

There’s no excuse for not having enough money in the bank to cover an emergency. You should have a minimum of three months worth of expenses stashed away in a cash savings account. This gives you a financial cushion when life strikes, and you find yourself with a major expense.

Give Your Family a Brighter Future.

As you know by now, money is not the answer to all of your ailments. It’s not the secret to happiness and fulfillment. However, smart, fiscally responsible money management strategies will alleviate some of the burdens that come with living from paycheck to paycheck. Find a couple of opportunities for growth and seize them. This time next year, your entire financial outlook will be different.

This content is sponsored by Larry Alton.


Photo credit: Shutterstock

The post How To Kiss Financial Irresponsibility Goodbye Forever appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2Ig3RHF

Facebook Has Been Charged With Disability Related Housing Discrimination


With Facebook, if it’s not one thing it’s another. This time the social media giant is accused of discrimination against the disabled community by not showing them housing ads and thus discriminating against those of us in the disabled community by not giving us access to the same ads that those not disabled are afforded.

What’s wrong with the tech giant? It seriously seems as if there’s a new something hanging over their head every week. If the people running Facebook are supposed to be brilliant at what they do, then it would seem to me that either a lot of these things happen on purpose, or they just don’t care.

Per Disability Scoop, recently, the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development said Facebook is “encouraging, enabling and causing housing discrimination” through its method of allowing advertisers to control who sees ads for homes.

People placing ads with Facebook have the ability to exclude ad views based on various interests such as, “service animals” or, “accessibility.” That is as wrong as excluding someone because of race, gender, religion, or sexual orientation.

Why would a company who tells the public that they’re all for inclusion and they want Facebook to be for everyone, also allow the disabled community to be shunned from viewing ads for housing because they may need an accessible place or a place to have a service animal?

I can’t even begin to explain what a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act it is to not rent to someone because of a disability or a service animal. Isn’t this pretty much the same thing as not renting to someone because of s disability? You’re limiting who can see the ad, so you’re being upfront and telling Facebook not to show that ad to “Us.”

Why not show it to us? Because “We’re” not worthy of that place because we may need a wheelchair or it could be due to the fact that we have a service animal. And in the eyes of the person placing the ad, they’re justified because it’s their place and they can damn well do what they want to do.

Only they can’t.

Big thanks to Facebook for allowing people to violate ADA law with your filters. I was deciding whether or not to place ads on Facebook for my business, but I have my answer now.

No freakin way. Not until you get rid of those disgusting, disability hating filters.

Get it together Facebook or sell the company to someone who gives a crap about people. All people.

What’s Next? Talk with others. Take action.

We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join below!

RSVP for Intersectionality Callshttps://goodmenproject.lpages.co/leadbox-1531499076.js

Photo courtesy Pixabay.

The post Facebook Has Been Charged With Disability Related Housing Discrimination appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2X4lduM

The Difference Between Being a Good Guy and a Nice Guy

If you asked me, I would say I’m not a nice person. I’m a kind person, and I try to be a good person, but I have no interest in being nice.

Some people think that being good and being nice are the same thing. They’re not.

Being kind or good comes from a place of confidence or self-esteem. You give because your cup is full and feel able to share authentically from that fullness. When you give to others, it is not from a place of needing that giving returned. And, if someone is asking too much of you, you can establish healthy boundaries.

Nice people conduct emotional transactions. They give to get something in return. Whether it’s seeking approval or trying to manipulate the other person into feeling like they have to return the favor. They feel inadequate and therefore, won’t say no when they want to, for fear that the person won’t like them.

By definition, a nice guy doesn’t do things just from the kindness of his heart. He has a goal in mind. For example, if he’s trying to attract a particular woman, he’s either hoping his niceness will add up to that woman feeling like she owes him for something he’s done for her or that she will think he’s now worthy of sex or a relationship.

His goal is to manipulate a woman into feeling obligated to return his affection because he has, in this instance, proven to be a generous person. Though he hasn’t communicated to her that those were the terms of their relationship.

Romantic movies often romanticize this approach. Making it seem as if changing a woman’s feelings is as simple as spending lots of time with her. That all this focused attention will magically cause her to see this man differently. Suddenly recognizing that he was ‘the one’ all along.

It doesn’t tend to work like that in real life.

People are generally more complex in their interests and focus. These nice guy assumptions are at the root of the whole “friend zone” phenomenon that some men complain about being assigned to. I assume any guy who complains about being friend-zoned is a nice guy who thought his routine was going to earn him what he wanted only to find out that this woman believed he just wanted to do nice things for her and be her friend.

A good guy is one who makes his motivations clear. If he’s pursuing you, he lets you know that he’s pursuing you. He doesn’t pretend to be your friend while secretly plotting how to change your mind through bribery or Jedi mind tricks.

If a good guy becomes your friend and does nice things for you, he genuinely does them from the kindness of his heart. And, if he hopes you will change your feelings for him eventually, he understands that it is a conclusion you will come to on your own. He’s also willing to move on with his life and doesn’t secretly resent you for not fulfilling his fantasy.

Or, a good guy may accept a woman’s rejection, wish her well and understand that she’s not interested in what he has to offer. He will know that some other woman will want him for the man he is.

Some men think women can’t sense whether they are actually a good guy or nice guy. But a nice guy can’t keep his façade up forever. His resentment grows with every nice thing he does that doesn’t create results. Nice people also tend to be passive aggressive and assume that everyone takes them for granted.

Eventually, the nice guy act will drop and his real motivations will be revealed.

Dishonesty takes its toll. Being nice, or trying to be a nice guy is a form of manipulation and a heavy mask for the one who chooses it. It rarely gets you what you want. It mostly gets you to feel used and neglected. Neither will you achieve the intimacy you desire because no one will know the real you.

Being a good guy doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get what you want either. But at least you’ll know upfront and won’t waste time wishing and hoping.

People are not emotional slot machines. Just because you’re pumping in coin after coin, doesn’t mean you’ll receive a payout. That may just cause the person to take what you’ve given them and spend it on someone else. Usually, that will be the person they were interested in all along.

***

What’s Next? Talk with others. Take action.

We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join below!

RSVP for Intersectionality Callshttps://goodmenproject.lpages.co/leadbox-1531499076.js

Join the Conscious Intersectionality FACEBOOK GROUP here. Includes our new call series on Human Rights.

Join The Good Men Project Community

All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.

#rcp_user_login_wrap {display: none;}.rcp_form fieldset {padding: 10px !important;}

Register New Account

Username

Email

First Name

Last Name

Password

Password Again

Choose your subscription level

  • Annual Platinum – $50.00 – 
    1 Year

  • Annual Gold – $25.00 – 
    1 Year

  • Annual Bronze – $12.00 – 
    1 Year

Credit / Debit Card
PayPal

Choose Your Payment Method

Auto Renew

Subscribe to The Good Men Project Daily Newsletter

By completing this registration form, you are also agreeing to our Terms of Service which can be found here.

Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request a new password if needed).

◊♦◊

ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops, and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.

♦◊♦

We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.

Photo Credit: Image from iStock by Getty Images

 

The post The Difference Between Being a Good Guy and a Nice Guy appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2IeVbkS

Want to Be a Better Man? Build Your Self-Compassion

I came across a great quote the other day by the therapist Terrence Real:

There is no redeeming value in harshness.

And this got me thinking about compassion, particularly the all too rare self-compassion and the resistance we so often have to build this up in ourselves — particularly for men.

It can sometimes be a real challenge to find compassion for others, especially if we’re in the midst of our own reactions. Compassion literally means “to suffer with” and it’s difficult to be with someone who is in emotional pain and not try to “do” something about it. Men, stereotypically, want to fix things. We want to devise a plan to get through the bad stuff and end up having everyone feel better. Compassion asks us to do something different.

It says, “Don’t solve the issue for someone else, just be with them while they’re suffering.”

Maybe that means sitting silently with a person who’s really angry.

Maybe it means being near someone while they’re crying and not telling them to stop.

It’s doing less and being more, and this can feel like not doing anything at all.

Even more difficult is to turn the energy toward yourself and build your self-compassion. Taking care of others is hard, but focusing and taking care of ourselves can seem indulgent, narcissistic and just all around difficult to do.

Build Your Self-Compassion Before Self-Confidence

Self-compassion means being with ourselves while we’re struggling — without jumping in to fix that struggle just yet. It’s being aware of our own pain, our own anguish, at how angry, pissed off, hurt or vulnerable we feel inside without doing the many, many, many things we traditionally do to not feel that pain.

Put it that way and building your self-compassion can sound counterproductive.

And I’m not just talking about using alcohol or drugs to anesthetize us from the pain, but all our tendencies to fix our own problems. We make lists, we devise plans with goals, we do lots of things to get us out of our pain and suffering—and I’m not making the case that these things are bad to do, but it’s not the first step.

Allowing self-compassion gives us a better shot at making a good plan that will actually work. But we have to give ourselves the space to feel however it is we feel.

We have a default response to times when we’re feeling down: I need to build my self-confidence up. We tell ourselves to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and to get to work on a Plan. We’ll often say that confidence is at the root of all that we’re not doing.

“If I just could push myself to start that business…”
“If I could just get the confidence to ask that person on a date…” etc.
We tend to think that confidence will give us the energy to get where we want to go—and confidence can help with that. Feeling confident is amazing!

The problem with confidence, though, is if it’s not rooted in an honest understanding of who we are, then it’s so easy to become over-confident without realizing it.

The Secret of Self-Compassion

We can easily under- or over-estimate how much skill we have for just about anything.

Over-estimating could lead us to do something way too risky and under-estimating may stop us from trying anything at all or make us depend way too much on how someone else judges our abilities.

Self-compassion, perhaps surprisingly and perhaps paradoxically, is a great antidote to this. Nurturing self-compassion provides us with a more objective sense of our abilities by reminding ourselves that we are flawed people, you know, just like everyone else. We will make mistakes. Just like others make mistakes.

Here’s what self-compassion does that really makes it stand out, though: self-compassion reminds us that our self-worth is not tied into what we did or didn’t do. Our sense of self does not have to be at risk because we didn’t accomplish what we wanted or we made someone upset.

We can feel guilty about hurting someone else. We can be angry that a plan didn’t work out the way we thought it would, but self-compassion allows us the energy and freedom to try again. It breaks us out of the jail of perfectionism that too many of us grew up with.

Contrary to what we may have learned, we don’t need punishment in order to learn from our mistakes.

Fear of Going to Extremes

This is closer to what I think Terry Real is getting at with his statement about irredeemable harshness. He’s talking particularly about couples (the way to get your partner to change is not to berate them about what they’re doing) but this applies individually as well.

Some of us do this with our partners and it can become emotionally abusive. We think our yelling and speaking down to a partner is justified if it’s our way of expressing our feelings. But it’s also shaming, demeaning, and can be threatening—even if you don’t mean it to be. There’s a cavern of distance between expressing how you feel and being harsh and abusive, but too many of us didn’t learn this difference.

Many people speak this way to their children (probably because that’s how they were brought up), but consider what you are encouraging: a self-critical, shame-filled child who will grow up to be an adult who does the same things to themselves—and probably to others.

As a child, I really believed that it was this harshness that would keep me safe, and I know I’m not alone. Many of the guys I work with worry that if they let go of this harshness there will be nothing stopping them from letting themselves off the hook for all kinds of bad behavior. We all know people who never take responsibility for anything, and we don’t want to be like them.

But self-compassion shouldn’t take you to that extreme.

Without that harsh judge constantly ready to beat us up we have the freedom to more objectively examine our actions, our thoughts, and our feelings. This freedom provides space to feel guilt, if needed, to feel anger, if needed, to feel regret, if needed—but to also know that our self-worth and self-respect is not completely entwined with these feelings.

We learn that we can make changes. We can gain some more skills. We can say we’re sorry.

We look deeply at the reasons we acted a certain way and the self-compassionate view allows us to shift things so we act differently the next time.

 

Originally published on Park Slope Therapist

◊♦◊The Good Men Project is different from most media companies. We are a “participatory media company”—which means we don’t just have content you read and share and comment on but it means we have multiple ways you can actively be a part of the conversation. As you become a deeper part of the conversation—The Conversation No One Else is Having—you will learn all of the ways we support our Writers’ Community—community FB groups, weekly conference calls, classes in writing, editing platform building and How to Create Social Change.

◊♦◊

Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:

Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.

Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:

  1. Get  access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
  2. Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
  3. View the website with no ads
  4. Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
  5. Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
  6. Commenting badge.

Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.

If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.

◊♦◊

Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:

submit to Good Men Project

◊♦◊

Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:

◊♦◊

Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:

Join our exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” — where community members are encouraged to discuss the issues of the week, get story ideas, meet other members and get known for their ideas? To get the call-in information, either join as a member or wait until you get a post published with us. Here are some examples of what we talk about on the calls.

Want to learn practical skills about how to be a better Writer, Editor or Platform Builder? Want to be a Rising Star in Media? Want to learn how to Create Social Change? We have classes in all of those areas.

While you’re at it, get connected with our social media:

◊♦◊

However, you engage with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Join us!

bottom of post widget GMP community logo (1)

Do you want to talk about how to have richer, more mindful, and enduring relationships?

◊♦◊

We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.

Photo credit: Shutterstock ID 387621580

The post Want to Be a Better Man? Build Your Self-Compassion appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2GgQO6X

Please Follow Me: Men, Zen and Social Media

I stopped following my girlfriend on Instagram.

We live together, so it seemed absurd to see her selfies, stories, pictures, and reflections via this third party when I could hear about them, and see her, in person. And it felt weird to read reflections targeted to “the world” and not know about them myself. There’s more to the story – how my issues around jealousy, competition, envy, and the need for attention and acknowledgment crept in – but this was my rationale to myself, and to her.

Then I suspended my Instagram account altogether. Since turning off this piece of SNS (“social networking site”) about two months ago, I’ve felt liberated and free, but also sad and isolated. My own way of thinking and sensitivity had made it a complicated, painful place. Yet I grudgingly sort of miss it, despite not knowing really how or why to use it. Studies show that people use SNS mostly for “social interaction, archiving or documenting, self-expression, escapism, and keeping up to date.” [1] I could relate to all of that.

I had used Instagram for no purpose besides it being “there,” and then more extensively in 2016 for a political art campaign. I upped the usage in 2017 as a way to follow my kids … and my girlfriend (I’ll call her “Jane”). A long break from Instagram ensued for both of us, from January 2018 until October, when I took it up again as a disciplined daily blogging tool for a one-month reflection on Zen, inspired by sculptures I did each day. I continued into December, posting photos of work I did along with 2000-character reflections on Zen. I was preparing for jukai, the formal receiving of, and intention to fulfill, 16 Zen moral precepts.

I accumulated about 80 followers quickly, hashtagging like a madman, but some of them were existing Facebook friends. The writing and the photos complemented each other: the character limit on Instagram forced me to be concise and trenchant. Hashtags worked; one new follower said, “I came for the photos and stayed for the writing.”

Jane simultaneously returned to Instagram as a way to stay connected with friends in the wake of our major geographical move. She has about 1,500 followers, 98% women, many who were readers of her previous blog, amassed over years of writing and professional photography before Instagram’s inception in 2010. Over time, she added this professional work to her feed, interspersed with personal content (family pics, selfies, locations, and so on).

Often her photos now are accompanied by a poem, quotation, intimate personal reflection, or a vignette from a soon-to-be-published book for which she has been the photographer. She makes stunning black-and-white portraits, often with a wide-open aperture. Her posts receive from 40 – 125 “likes” and often affectionate remarks from people she knows. She says she uses Instagram as a way to stay connected to friends she has made over the years – some never met in person – and as a way to promote her professional identity as a photographer, since her account is public. She believes that the personal, expressive nature of her posts attracts potential clients who are moved to see a real, emotive, honest person, and therefore may hire her.

As I used Instagram more and more and noticed its effect on me and my relationships, and how I have perceived my own and others’ masculinity, I began thinking about several Zen precepts I have vowed to uphold in receiving jukai from Roshi Joan Halifax in Santa Fe:

  1. I will not blame or judge others, nor compete with others or covet recognition,
  2. I will not foster a mind of poverty in myself or others (I will not be stingy with my talents or compliments)
  3. I will accept and give love without clinging,
  4. I will compassionately and constructively speak the truth as I perceive it,
  5. I will embrace all experiences directly, without the many intoxicants of this world,
  6. I will abstain from criticizing others, taking responsibility for my own life, and
  7. I will not harbor resentment, rage, or revenge, and I will let anger teach me.

As a father, a lover, and participant in this online community of Instagram, I began to notice how these precepts were indeed meant to be intentions rather than hard-and-fast rules, because they were (and are) difficult to practice.

And as a man, my societal conditioning often seemed in conflict with the precepts, which themselves were at odds with social media.

For example, men are typically taught that competition and recognition are good; after all, if we are not recognized, how will our businesses or professions thrive? If we don’t promote our writing or art, how will we make money? If we don’t make ourselves look good, how will we attract partners? How will we maintain our belief that we are the center of our world? (Precept #1).

Men are taught that the way to get ahead is to beat out “the other guy,” and to seek fame and fortune. Hence social media is peppered with self-congratulatory or “wise” statements by men (and women). They assert they are authorities in their fields (even if uneducated or untrained) by making simple declarative statements, by offering lifestyle advice, and by becoming self-styled gurus. (#1).

In this competitive spirit, men may refrain from complimenting others; we may complain about our current lives not being enough; we may blame others instead of owning our own role in relationships, work, and play. The culture conditions men to be critical of loved ones or colleagues, in the name of being constructive. This also creates “man-splainers.” Men compete for partners, male or female, which morphs into sexism. (#1, 2, and 6).

Men also learn that anger is acceptable, that rage and revenge are positive and effective means of dealing with competition or insults. Men may believe that lying is the best way to protect themselves. On social media, one can find countless examples of this aggressive stance – starting with our President’s use of Twitter, for example. (#7).

For many men, intoxicants – particularly alcohol – are part-and-parcel of socializing, relaxing, and even getting ahead in business. Men – and women, of course – can also be intoxicated by drugs, spending, food, sex, gambling, gaming … or social media. (Who has not seen a bus-full of commuters pecking at their smartphones? Who has not dined with someone whose gaze is constantly wandering to their phone, screen-up, on the table?) (#5).

Competition makes men possessive about our love, our wives, or our partners. We cling to them and are afraid of their independence. Some of this may be genetically programmed, a holdover of our reptilian brain telling us to procreate, to guard our mating partners; some of it may be plain insecurity. (#3).

When it came to my girlfriend, I noticed this sense of clinging – of not freely and lovingly accepting who she was – arising uncomfortably when I followed her on Instagram. I noticed my urge to “covet recognition” when she posted one of my photos on her feed and I felt I hadn’t been properly acknowledged. I noticed how much “I” – an oft-used Buddhist word related to “ego” – was present in my thinking: a kind of stinginess. (#1, 3)

In fact, I noticed that in some way or other, with particular regard to social media, I was barely fulfilling my intention to follow the precepts. The precepts are moral and ethical vows that are completely interpersonal, acknowledging the web of interconnectedness of which we all are a part. They are meant to limit one’s own and others’ suffering. And since they are hard to do, for most people, there is a footnote attached: think of the precepts as intentions, things you will tryto do, because inevitably you will make mistakes and break your vows. This recognition – which is not permission – helps you relax, allows for your humanity. But mistakes hurt nevertheless.

In terms of these vows, I noticed the arrival of envy: the mother of blame, competition, clinging, resentment, and criticism. I experienced envy not only for Jane’s large number of followers but envy for many other people’s lives online. They seemed so much wealthier, wiser, centered, sane, and comfortable than me; I imagined – and resented – that others had the time to be this way because they were rich. (#2, 7).

I felt envy’s sister, jealousy (which is yearning resentment), at a photo Jane posted in which she was obviously topless (but not revealing her breasts), even though she looked happy and lovely (but at the time, other words came to my mind: seductive, beguiling, flirtatious).  In another instance, in a quick exchange one evening, I felt a burning discomfort at her momentary hesitation to “block” a new male follower. He had been sending her overly-friendly direct messages, an obvious ploy to meet her. (It wasn’t obvious to her. To me, it’s a man’s clear intention to hook up that sparks him to send messages to attractive strangers on social media.)  This sparked the non-Zen inclination to rage and revenge, to hunt this man down and confront him. Jane is a loyal, trustworthy woman, so I knew her hesitation wasn’t about wanting to meet him – she explained it was more related to just a tired moment in her day and was perhaps a quick test of my devotion. To me, it felt like she carried a kind of equanimity with having unknown men “follow” her. (#1, 2, 3, and 7).

At the same time, I wondered how much of this un-Zen-like “poverty of mind” was colored by personal psychology and conditioning: my “baggage” around abandonment, for example.

I also wondered if my feelings were generational (I’m 56). For example, I know a young man who has posted photos of his girlfriend in a thong bikini and is obviously unruffled at the knowledge that others online will be aroused at the sight of her naked body.

In my case, disquiet and fear arose in me when I viewed almost any selfie of my girlfriend.  I felt covetous, insecure that other men would be attracted to her. She knew I felt threatened and began to pause and check in with me before posting these, but she found this frustrating. I knew I had subtly injured her. (#1, 2, 3, 7)

I hesitated at posting pictures of myself, especially ones in which I looked handsome or showed skin (above my collarbones!) I knew that I would be seeking “likes” and the surge of pleasure that this would cause. (Many studies have documented this – “The minute you … get a like on social media, this produces dopamine, which is a chemical that’s associated with pleasure” and its potential co-occurring cause, that you are lacking a sense of purpose, or your self-esteem is low). [2] (#2 and 5). I also knew Jane would be upset if I showed skin on social media too.

More deeply, my envy extended to her, and other people’s, ability to reveal themselves publicly, through words and photos, and to greater or lesser extents: to speak candidly with their own voices about feelings, thoughts, and failings, unafraid of censure. To show faces, skin, muscle. To be themselves, relaxed, without the rigidity or tightness in the body that possesses those of us who fear that self-expression leads to loss.

All of this, with regard to her and to others in her and my circle, made me realize that I was not “taking responsibility for my own life,” that I was fostering “a mind of poverty” (the “woe is me” mind), and that my love came with clinging. (When I saw the semi-revealing photo her, for example, I might have said, “Wow, what a gorgeous picture! I’m so glad I’m together with YOU,” instead of worrying that it might attract other men, and becoming wrapped up in my clinging).

Instagram itself was kind of an intoxicant. It intoxicated me to count up the number of heart-shapes or comments next to my posts, and, in a painful sense, it intoxicated me to witness the successes, thoughts, feelings, and photos of others – including my girlfriend – in the same way, that alcohol might feel good for a few minutes, but then leaves you hungover.

An edge began to develop between us, built on these doubts, fears, and anxieties. We began to ask each other, “Who is that man now following you?” and, “What’s your relationship with that woman who keeps liking your posts?” Even when these others were people we had known for years, casually or professionally or just because they were friends-of-friends.

The final trigger for me was one of my girlfriend’s “stories” – the scrolling account of one’s day that you can post at the top of your “feed.” It showed her heading off for a first day at a new job in a profession that is in high demand here. As for me, jobless for months, having sent out innumerable letters and resumes, and in an entirely new rural town and state, I felt envy. I was swollen with a feeling of vulnerability and inadequacy instead of good feeling for her. I couldn’t watch her story. I clicked it off. I stopped following her. Minutes later, I “paused” my account (it now appears deleted), and exited completely.

The weeks leading up to this, and the experience itself, reminded me of an old story, which goes something like this: you are walking down a road and you fall into a hole and hurt yourself; the next day, you walk the same road again and fall into the same hole and break your wrist; the third day, repeat; then, finally, on the fourth day, you walk the road, and you come to the hole, and you say to yourself, “Why hurt myself again? I’ll just step around the hole and go on.” (Reflecting this, The New York Times once published an article called “The Agony of Instagram”).

With Instagram, I was stepping into that hole over and over again. In the moment, it seemed better to take the painful thing out of my life until I could learn to deal with it. (Or not. Because we did perfectly well without it ten years ago, and, like so much else, in its essence, it was created as one more addition to a culture bent on consumption and sales.)

Jane and I have worked things out, but what was once a formerly innocent past-time for her became charged once she was in a relationship with me. And, vice versa. Of course, these interactions are colored by our personal histories, and the challenges and joys we have experienced together.

Yet social media brought to the fore issues that I recognized were related to my ingrained, conditioned ways of thinking, and to the tension between believing in my Zen precepts and actually living them genuinely.

Still, there’s a nagging part of me that is drawn back to this platform. Like everything in Buddhism, the phrase “not too tight, not too loose” applies. What could I learn in this environment? How might it help my mental health? How could it be a kind of practice in letting go of what ails me?

Instagram could teach me how to appreciate others more, and not to feel impoverished myself – to appreciate what gifts I have, too. To love myself. To develop a sense of purpose. It could teach me not to compete (for attention, for followers, for acknowledgment, for literary or artistic successes). It could teach me how to love openly and kindly, without clinging, living with the possibility of loss, and “embracing all experiences directly,” without zoning out. It could teach me to relax, to not over-think into inaction. To connect, even remotely, with distant old friends, or strangers out there who share similar interests. Most importantly, it could – maybe, possibly, and acknowledging all the other ways to do this – bring me back to my own voice, or help discover it anew, and compassionately and constructively speak the truth as I perceive it. (#4).

We’ll see. It may be time to re-activate a new account, with a new purpose. It may be time to learn to like myself better. It may be time to rub away at the ego that binds me.

 

—————————————————

 

[1]Sánchez-Torres, Javier & Montoya, Luz & Potes, Paul. (2018). Behind the likes, content, and brand on Instagram.

[2]http://bit.ly/2IdMiby

***

What’s Next at The Good Men Project? Talk with others. Improve your relationships. Join our Love, Sex, Etc. Social Interest Group

RSVP for Love Sex Etc. Callshttps://goodmenproject.lpages.co/leadbox-1493827190.js

 Join the Sex, Love Etc. FACEBOOK GROUP here.

We think you’ll like our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join now!

Join The Good Men Project Community

All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.

#rcp_user_login_wrap {display: none;}.rcp_form fieldset {padding: 10px !important;}

Register New Account

Username

Email

First Name

Last Name

Password

Password Again

Choose your subscription level

  • Annual Platinum – $50.00 – 
    1 Year

  • Annual Gold – $25.00 – 
    1 Year

  • Annual Bronze – $12.00 – 
    1 Year

Credit / Debit Card
PayPal

Choose Your Payment Method

Auto Renew

Subscribe to The Good Men Project Daily Newsletter

By completing this registration form, you are also agreeing to our Terms of Service which can be found here.

Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request a new password if needed).

◊♦◊

ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops, and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time (Friday calls only). This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.

Need more information? Click here.

♦◊♦

We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.

 

What We Talk About When We Talk About Men

Image ID: 1167320092

The post Please Follow Me: Men, Zen and Social Media appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2WXns2K

The Magic of Compound Interest

Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it. He who doesn’t, pays it.

– Albert Einstein

Near the beginning of his book, The Tipping Point; How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, author Malcolm Gladwell asks the reader a seemingly simple question: imagine you can take a large piece of paper and fold it over once and then take that folded paper and fold it over again, and then again and again, until you have folded the original piece of paper 50 times…how tall would the final stack be?

As high as a phonebook?

Nope.

As high as a fridge?

No.

Get this: it would reach the sun.

Gladwell explains that in mathematical terms, this is known as geometric progression. “But human beings,” writes Gladwell, “have a hard time with this kind of progression because the end result—the effect—seems far out of proportion to the cause.”

If you’re like me, and everyone else I’ve posed this paper puzzle to, the answer seems preposterous. And even though Gladwell’s editors would’ve had to have checked the facts before going to publication, the cynic in me still didn’t believe the final answer as truth.

So I sat down one Friday night and ran the calculations for myself.

First, I googled the distance from the earth to the sun and discovered it to be 150 billion metres (93 million miles).

Then I jotted down the numbers 1 to 50 and started calculating. Since the original piece of paper is 1, if you fold that over once, you double it to 2. And if you fold that over, you’ve doubled that, so 2 x 2 = 4. Then if you fold that over, you hit 8 (4 x 2 = 8) and so on.

So in this case, the geometric progression is 2, 4, 8, 16, 32…with the common ratio being 2.

But here’s the thing: by the time I got only half-way through my calculations—i.e. the paper being folded 25 times—I was already at 33 million!

So I kept going and by the time I reached 38 folds of the paper, I’d hit 275 billion. And since the sun is 150 billion metres away, I had to admit that Malcolm Gladwell hadn’t lied to us.

And guess what another example of geometric progression is? Compound interest.

Over the years, I have experienced both sides of Einstein’s observation about compound interest:

“He who understands it, earns it. He who doesn’t, pays it.”

In other words, there is a huge difference between accumulating capital and paying down debt…and if you’re doing one, you’re probably not doing the other.

And as you likely know, capital trumps debt.

But don’t take my word for it. When it comes to compound interest, numbers speak far louder than words. Instead, here are a few figures to wrap your mind around:

Building Capital

Q: If you put aside a lump sum of $10,000 (and don’t add a cent more to it) and your investment yields an average 7% return per year, guess how much that $10,000 will be worth after 50 years (compounded quarterly)?

A: $320,000

Q: If you put aside a lump sum of $10,000 and add $1000 per year to it, and your investment yields an average 7% return per year, guess how much you will have after 30 years (compounded quarterly)?

A: $180,000

Q: If you put aside a lump sum of $5000 and add $2000 per year to it, and your investment yields an average 7% return per year, guess how much you will have after 50 years (compounded quarterly)?

A: $1.1 million

Paying Down Debt

Q: On the other side of the coin, if you have a $300,000 mortgage with a 5-year fixed closed rate of 3%, an amortization rate of 25 years and are paying the minimum monthly payment ($1400), guess how much interest you will pay on that mortgage over the 25 years?

A: $126,000 (ouch!)

Now, if you make a few small changes to the above $300,000 mortgage and negotiate a 5- year variable closed rate of 2.5%, an amortization rate of 20 years and pay accelerated weekly payments of $400, you will instead pay $72,000 in interest. That’s a big difference.

At least with mortgage debt, you’re investing in an asset that will hopefully go up in value over the years—and it’s a home for you to live in. But by making a few small changes to pay it down faster, you can certainly save a significant amount of interest, which means more money in your pocket.

Credit Card Debt

And let’s say you’re carrying a balance of $10,000 on your credit card and are paying it down $500 per month, assuming you don’t put any additional expenses on your card, at 17% (compounded daily), you will pay $1350 in interest in just one year. Yikes.

Compound interest really is magical…just try and make sure you are on the right side—the receiving side—of that magic more often than not!

Originally Published on Pink Gazelle

 ID: 492525682

The post The Magic of Compound Interest appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2IsyYiw