Why Do Men Only See Me As a Hookup?

Do you find that men only ever seem to chase you for sex?

I’ve had hundreds of women ask me what to do when guys just see them as a sexual object, and the answer is twofold:

(a) Cut off the wrong men faster

(b) Don’t allow him to put you in one category

There’s nothing wrong with being flirtatious and making a guy attracted to you sexually (after all, at least he is attracted to you). But it is much harder to get long-term attraction if you’re only flirty.

In this video, I show a listener live in my Fast Track webinar Q&A how she can make a guy crazy for her personality and not just her body, by making some simple small shifts in her approach to her interactions with him.


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The post Why Do Men Only See Me As a Hookup? appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2YY4V8w

Do friends with benefits deserve Bday presents?

Question: If you are just friends with benefits but that person has a birthday coming up, are you obligated to buy them something? I just don’t want her to get the wrong idea.

Answer: I begin my answer with the quote from Albert Einstein that says, no problem can be solved from the same level of Consciousness that created it.
I say that because the energy and consciousness of where you’re asking this question from isn’t the energy of a noble badass who acts from kindness and his heart no matter whether the person is your wife, a friend with benefits, your kid’s teacher, a lovely neighbor or coworker on a project.
It’s just what kindness would do.
It’s just what thoughtfulness would do.
It’s just what love would do.
To think that somebody doesn’t deserve kindness or thoughtfulness just because you’re having sex with them really makes them into an object to be used not a human to be honored and savored.
If your intuition is accurately picking up that she would like more than friends with benefits and that giving her a birthday gift when give her the idea that you wanted more than friends with benefits then that’s your job to be Brave & Bold and communicate with her in a straight, kind, honest manner and not play any games, withhold truths OR birthday gifts.
Just because you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with somebody or even be in an exclusive monogamous long-term relationship with them, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve being treated humanely with respect and kindness.
In my video I went into communicating in what I call ‘the sandwich,’ to support you and getting on the same page with this person so that you can both enjoy your sexual relationship and share thoughtfulness and kindness from your Noble Badass Heart.
Open your heart and have it live in unity with your mind.
If you do that, I know you will make a decision you will be proud of.
Great love, Allana
Ready to Manifest your Beloved While Staying True to Yourself?
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In service to your intimate relationships thriving,
Deliciously yours, Allana xoxo

The post Do friends with benefits deserve Bday presents? appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2P0xai7

Hear a Story About Faith and Love in ‘A Dog’s Way Home’ Coming to Blu-Ray

a dog's way home, family, adventure, drama, bryce dallas howard, ashley judd, blu-ray, review, sony pictures

An animal goes on a perilous journey in ‘A Dog’s Way Home’

I was very impressed with A Dog’s Purpose. It did a great job showing the importance of having a pet, and how much they could enrich you life. There were a few heart tugging moments, but overall I really liked it. When I heard about A Dog’s Way Home I thought it might be good. When I heard it was coming out on Blu-Ray I hoped I would get to watch it. I was able to get a review copy and here is what I thought of this film.

a dog's way home, family, adventure, drama, bryce dallas howard, ashler judd, blu-ray ,review, sony pictures

(c) Sony Pictures

You can read the plot for A Dog’s Way Home here:

The film chronicles the heartwarming adventure of Bella, the brave and adventurous dog that embarks on an epic 400-mile journey home after she is separated from her beloved human, Lucas. A movie that highlights the power of unconditional love between man’s best friend and its human companion.

a dog's way home, family, adventure, drama, bryce dallas howard, ashley judd, blu-ray, review, sony pictures

(c) Sony Pictures

A Dog’s Way Home was a pretty good film. The story it told was touching, although a little predictable at times. This movie has a great cast and did a great job showing the bond between pet and owner. ‘Unforgettable Journey’ has the cast and crew talking about all the work put in to bring this story to life. ‘Dog Days: Shelby’s Production Diary’ shows viewers the whole process of working with Shelby on this film. From her getting adopted to the last days of production and beyond it did a wonderful job showing the process of working with this gifted animal. There are also some deleted scenes.

a dog's way home, family, adventure, drama, bryce dallas howard, ashley judd, blu-ray, review, sony pictures

(c) Sony Pictures

A Dog’s Way Home arrives on Blu-Ray combo pack and DVD tomorrow. You can follow this movie on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

The post Hear a Story About Faith and Love in ‘A Dog’s Way Home’ Coming to Blu-Ray appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2KmQp6P

Sexism Isn’t Just About Sex

Former Vice President Joe Biden has been accused of inappropriately touching women throughout his career. What makes these touches different than those of other scandals, such as Al Franken’s lascivious “breast-grabbing” photo or the multiple allegations of sexual assault against Bill Clinton, is that Biden’s alleged touches are not apparently overtly sexual in nature.

This difference has been used to defend Biden against the sexual predator label. Even if what he did were not the actions of a predator, I do think that the touches that Biden has been accused of (and indeed, that have shown up in numerous photos) are still highly problematic.

So far, the #MeToo conversation has focused primarily on the abuse of sexuality by men against women. The tag itself emphasizes how many women have been the victim of sexual assault or harassment throughout their lifetime.

However, the abuse of sexuality is only one facet of how sexism is reinforced in our culture. There’s another facet, one of sexist microaggressions, such as comments and actions used against women in order to diminish them.


In my teen years, the stereotype of the traditional white corporate man in power with the fictional Frank Hart in the movie “9 to 5.” His mistreatment of Doralee Rhodes (Dolly Parton) was clearly sexual harassment, verging at times on assault. Like Donald Trump’s infamous “grab ‘em by the p***y” line, Hart didn’t even need to have sex with his secretary: In the movie, it was sufficient that the other women believed it was happening for it to be weaponized against Rhodes.

Men in power, and men in general, often use threats of sexual violence as a way to exert that power. So far, that has been the main push of the modern feminist movement behind the #MeToo tag.

There were three primary protagonists in “9 to 5,” though, and Hart was using gender as a weapon against all three of them. Most relevant to the Biden scandal is how Hart treated Judy Bernly (Jane Fonda). Like most women he’s not sexually attracted to, he treats her like a child.

“9 to 5” represents the corporate context in which Biden spent his young adult years, and in which I came of age. Women in the workplace were seen as sexual objects, as threats (Lily Tomlin’s Violet Newstead), or as children.

None of these perspectives are healthy or appropriate. Women in the workplace are people in the workplace, full stop. Their gender identity ought to be irrelevant to their ability to succeed or to help the team succeed.


paul-hartzer-blue-boxWhen a man in power engages in activities like stroking a woman’s back or using pet names for her, the effect can be one of infantilizing. The message received is often that the woman is “lesser than.”

This is blurred, of course, by the reality that in many parts of American culture, women engage in similar behavior towards men. I’ve had women servers and shop clerks, for instance, call me “sweetie,” and I had a woman boss who would give me non-requested backrubs. Even though I loved the boss, the backrubs made me feel awkward.

That layer is a related, but separate discussion: The general discussion of consent, appropriateness, and body autonomy. Everyone of all gender identities has a right to body autonomy, just as there are male victims of sexual assault and harassment.

When a man breeches a woman’s physical space, though, there’s an added history attached to our patriarchal structure. As much as we might wish for it to be different, as unfair as some of us might feel that it is, we disregard those cultural systems at our own peril.

This is not to say that Biden was consciously attempting to suppress the women around him. I would completely believe that he wasn’t, and that his intent was genuinely to show affection.

It is to say, instead, that Biden’s actions are part of a system in which men get, keep, and maintain power in part by keeping women in “their place.” Given his history of power and privilege, this may well be the first time someone has ever told him directly about this.


This is creeping towards “a product of his times.” I do not excuse him for his actions. Even though, as I grew up, I was surrounded by images of men either sexualizing or infantilizing (and often both) the women around them, and even though Biden is two decades older than me, that does not exonerate his actions. He violated women’s physical spaces, and he’s accountable for that.

This is a potential to move to the next stage of the discussion behind the #MeToo movement. We have been discussing, as a culture, the ways in which blatant sexual aggressions feed rape culture and lead to women feeling unsafe. Our conversation has been less developed, though, on other ways in which we make society less safe for women.

When we men show random affection to women, we can serve to remind women that their body autonomy is transient: We can take it any moment, without reflection or remorse.

Even if our action is nonsexual in nature, it is part of that overall climate that ultimately feeds rape culture.

Keep in mind that rape itself is not a sexual act: It is an act of power, of taking violently what has not been freely given because the power exists to do so. And while a stroke of the hair may seem a long way off from forced penetration, it exists on the same spectrum of non-consent.


Over 30 years ago, Marie Shear defined feminism as “the radical notion that women are people.” Women are not sexual objects and they are not children. It is sad that, more than three decades later, nearly four decades after “9 to 5” laid out the case against corporate sexism, we are still struggling with this notion.

Just as Trump is apparently a symptom of a particular form of aggressive male toxicity, Biden is apparently a symptom of a different one: The benevolent sexist, who believes in the intrinsic value of women as a concept but who has not deeply reflected on how his own biases and enculturation support the patriarchy. The “Nice Guy” to Trump’s “Alpha Dog.”

We have made progress, but this is a road sign marking that we still have a long way to go.

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The post Sexism Isn’t Just About Sex appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2YZPhcL

Should You Be Taking MCT Oil? We Review the Evidence

Please Note: This article is presented for informational purposes only and is not meant to diagnose or treat any illness. If you have any health concern, see a licensed healthcare professional in person.

Recently there’s been a lot of hype surrounding MCT oil.

Some claim it to be a miracle supplement that offers many health benefits.

But what exactly is MCT oil, and is there any evidence to support these testimonials?

Here, we look at the reported benefits of MCT oil and whether or not you should be taking it.

What is MCT Oil?

MCT oil is a supplement that’s made from medium-chain triglycerides (MCTs).

MCTs are a type of saturated fatty acid. Like all triglycerides, they are made up of three fatty acids attached to a glycerol backbone.

What sets them apart structurally is the length of the fatty acid chain. MCTs have 6 to 12 carbons per fatty acid. Coconut oil, palm kernel oil and dairy products are all naturally high in MCTs.

MCT oil itself is man-made through a process called fractionation, in which an oil is gradually cooled until it forms both liquid and solid portions.

Meanwhile, long-chain fatty acids are longer than 12 carbons and are found in nuts, seeds, oils and fatty fish. Short-chain fatty acids are shorter than 6 carbons. Most are byproducts from the breakdown of prebiotic fiber in the gut, when bacteria in the colon feed on them.

Because they have fewer carbon bonds, MCTs are absorbed more quickly than long-chain fatty acids, and don’t require bile or pancreatic enzymes for digestion (12).

MCTs can also travel straight to the liver to be metabolized, where long-chain fatty acids must be repackaged into different types of fats before being processed by the liver. This means they are less likely to be stored as fat in the body.

However, at least one study suggests that MCTs can be absorbed in the same way as long-chain fatty acids if you eat a lot of them (3).

Is MCT Oil the Same as Coconut Oil?

Coconuts are one of the most abundant dietary sources of MCTs. It makes sense that many people think coconut oil and MCT oil are one in the same.

But the main difference comes in the amount of MCTs in the product. MCT oil is made mostly or entirely of MCTs, whereas coconut oil is about 55% MCTs.

Because it’s not made entirely of MCTs, coconut oil may not have the same reported benefits as MCT oil. However, the other fats in coconut oil have modest antioxidant benefits and may boost HDL (“good”) cholesterol, benefits you wouldn’t get from pure MCT oil.

That said, some of coconut oil’s fats some of the fats contained in coconut oil have been linked with increases in LDL (“bad”) cholesterol (456).

Summary: MCT oil is a supplement made from medium-chain triglycerides (MCTs). MCTs are metabolized directly in the liver and don’t require bile or pancreatic enzymes for digestion.  Unlike coconut oil, which contains about 55% MCTs, pure MCT oil is made entirely of MCTs.

How to Use MCT Oil

There are various forms of MCT oil, including liquid, capsule and powder versions.

Types of MCT Oil

  • Liquid MCT Oil: Liquid MCT oil can be taken alone or mixed into drinks, yogurts, cottage cheese and other dishes. It can also be used in salad dressings and other condiments. Cooking with it isn’t recommended, due to its low smoke point.
  • MCT Oil Capsules: MCT oil can also be found in the form of oral softgel capsules. Most popular brands contain around 1,000 mg of MCT oil per capsule, usually made from coconut oil.
  • MCT Oil Powder: MCT powder is typically mixed into drinks. Some brands offer pure powdered MCT oil. Other brands include starches or fiber powders for texture and other reported health benefits.


The best type of MCT oil mostly depends on personal preference. For example, some people like the portability and convenience of MCT powder, but find that the powders can be more expensive or contain more additives than the liquid oil.

Bulletproof Coffee

Bulletproof Coffee has become a popular way to take MCT oil.

It’s a breakfast meal replacement drink that’s made by blending 1-2 tablespoons of grass-fed butter and 1 teaspoon to 2 tablespoons of MCT oil into 8-12 ounces (235-355 milliliters) of black coffee.

Proponents of Bulletproof Coffee say that it reduces cravings, boosts energy and burns fat. However, no formal studies have looked at Bulletproof Coffee specifically.

From a nutritional standpoint, one cup of Bulletproof Coffee may contain up to 52 grams of fat and 465 calories. This is a lot of fat to start off your day, particularly if your fat intake continues to be moderate or high throughout the rest of the day.

If you decide to try MCT oil, I’d recommend limiting yourself to no more than 2 tablespoons per day, and only to replace other fats. There’s no need to add butter on top of that MCT oil.

Summary: MCT oil comes in liquid, capsule or powder form. MCT powder may be more portable and convenient than the liquid version, but also tends to have more additives. Bulletproof Coffee is also a popular way to take MCT oil, but no formal studies have looked into its purported benefits of reducing cravings and boosting energy.

Reported Benefits of MCT Oil

MCT oil has become extremely popular as a supplement to help with weight loss and certain chronic health conditions.

Let’s take a look at some of its more popular claims.

Weight Loss

MCT oil has been heralded by some online sources as a weight loss miracle.

But evidence is somewhat mixed. Small studies suggest that it boosts metabolism, at least temporarily. MCTs have also been linked with increased levels of the hormones leptin and peptide YY, both of which are thought to help you feel full (789).

Another handful of small studies show that MCT oil at breakfast reduces calorie intake at lunch. This is compared to breakfasts that include equal calories of long-chain fatty acids or no added fats at all.

However, some of these studies showed that reductions in self-reported hunger and appetite were inconsistent or only temporary (1011121314).

Evidence is also mixed on MCT oil’s direct impact on weight loss.

According to a few small studies, MCT oil only has a small advantage over long-chain fatty acids in terms of weight loss. In fact, less than half of the studies analyzed in one meta-analysis found that MCT oil offered no weight loss benefit (101115).

Overall, MCT oil can’t be recommended for weight loss at this time. Studies to date have been small, and their findings mixed.


You’ve probably heard of ketones in relation to the trendy ketogenic “keto” diet.

The keto diet has actually been used for decades in children with epilepsy, as it can cut the number of their seizures by up to half (16).

Because MCTs can be broken down into ketones more easily than long-chain triglycerides, MCT oil has been used to treat some patients with severe epilepsy.

In the 1970s, a physician developed an updated version of the keto diet. Known as the MCT Ketogenic Diet, this version obtained a higher percentage of fats in the form of MCT oil.

The recommended percentage of calories from MCT oil has changed over the years, ranging from 30-60%. The idea is to bring on nutritional ketosis without strictly limiting carbohydrates and protein.

One study of children with severe epilepsy found that classical ketogenic and MCT ketogenic diets were comparable in terms of seizure reduction and tolerability. Other small studies have had similar findings (1718).

This suggests that MCT oil can help children with epilepsy reduce seizure frequency without such a restrictive diet.

Keep in mind that these diets are prescribed by a doctor and supervised by a dietitian. Neither a classical ketogenic or an MCT ketogenic diet should be tried at home without medical guidance.

Alzheimer’s Disease

The brain gets most of its energy from glucose, but in Alzheimer’s disease, it doesn’t use that glucose as effectively.

A medically supervised ketogenic diet has been reported to modestly boost cognitive function in those with Alzheimer’s, as ketones can be used as an alternative energy source for the brain. Supplementation with 20-70 grams per day of certain MCTs can help induce ketosis (19).

One clinical trial of 152 adults with mild to moderate Alzheimer’s disease found a specific preparation of MCT oil, consisting primarily of C8 fatty acids (meaning it has 8 carbons), to induce ketosis.

The study also saw significant improvements in cognition among volunteers treated with MCT oil for 90 days (20).

While this study is often referenced in regards to MCT oil and Alzheimer’s disease, there are a couple of things to note. For one, it was funded by the company that made the MCT preparation.

The study was a phase 2 clinical trial, so it’s not large enough to draw any broad conclusions about effectiveness. In fact, the company opted to forego a phase 3 trial and market the product as a “medical food” instead. This means that it’s not evaluated with the same rigor as a medication by the FDA.

Not only that, but another small study suggests that MCT oil supplementation may have negative cognitive effects on people with a variant of a certain gene linked with Alzheimer’s disease.

That’s not to say that MCT oil isn’t helpful in Alzheimer’s disease, but the consensus among many medical professionals, as well as the Alzheimer’s Association, is that more research is needed.

It’s best to speak with your doctor before adding supplements or making changes to your diet.


Malabsorption is a problem that arises when the gastrointestinal tract fails to properly break down and absorb nutrients.

Sometimes it’s a short-term issue. Acute illness or medication use can cause temporary absorption issues that usually resolve on their own or with medical treatment.

Malabsorption can also stem from chronic illness, like pancreatic insufficiency, inflammatory bowel disease, short bowel syndrome or biliary cirrhosis.

MCTs are absorbed more quickly and easily than long-chain triglycerides. Because of this they can help with nutrient absorption and weight maintenance in some people with acute and chronic malabsorption.

In one small study, replacing long-chain triglycerides in the diet with MCTs reduced steatorrhea (fatty diarrhea) in patients with pancreatic insufficiency. However, there was very little difference between MCTs and long-chain triglycerides when the patients took supplemental pancreatic enzymes by mouth (21).

Clinical trials on MCTs have also shown promise in reducing diarrhea and gastrointestinal distress in critically ill patients receiving nutrition via feeding tube (22).

However, there’s no strong evidence that MCT oil is particularly helpful with absorption in common acute illness.

Summary: MCT oil is an effective and less restrictive alternative to a classical ketogenic diet for children with severe epilepsy. It’s also useful in certain chronic and critical conditions that cause malabsorption. However, evidence is still mixed as to whether it’s helpful in weight loss and Alzheimer’s disease.

Are There Any Downsides to MCT Oil?

MCT oil is generally well-tolerated in healthy people.

Some reports indicate that large doses of it may cause diarrhea and other gastrointestinal discomforts. However, you can lessen the chance of this by starting with a low dose and building up to a maximum of 2 tablespoons per day.

That doesn’t mean that MCT oil is best for everyone, though. The greatest benefits have been seen in people with chronic disease, like epilepsy or pancreatic insufficiency. Specifically, those who take MCT oil under medical supervision, often in combination with medications and/or special diets.

If you’re considering trying MCT oil in hopes of losing weight, keep in mind that, as a fat, it’s still higher in calories than carbs or protein. While MCTs are lower in calories and less likely to be stored as fat than long-chain triglycerides, it’s still best not to overeat them.

Summary: MCT oil is generally well tolerated but could cause diarrhea or gastrointestinal distress in some people. While they’re less likely than long-chain triglycerides to be stored as fat, MCTs are still calorie dense, so it’s important not to overeat them, especially if your goal is to lose weight.

Should You Be Taking MCT Oil?

MCTs have been touted as a “weight-loss” miracle, mostly because they’re easy for the body to break down and absorb, and less likely to be stored as fat.

MCTs occur naturally in some foods however it’s become popular to supplement with man-made MCT oil.

MCT oil has been reported to support weight loss, brain healt, and nutrient absorption.

The current research doesn’t quite back all that up however.

Still, there’s fairly strong evidence in support of MCTs in epilepsy and in certain conditions that can cause malabsorption, like pancreatic insufficiency.

Studies have also shown a potential modest benefit for those with Alzheimer’s disease.

However, there’s just not enough evidence to support its use for weight loss.

Most studies have been small and have shown mixed results.

On top of that, popular brands of MCT oil cost around $25 to $30 USD for a 32 oz (900 gram) bottle.

This can certainly add up if you’re using 2 tablespoons (1 oz) per day.

Overall, MCT oil isn’t likely to harm healthy adults who take it in small amounts.

There’s also no overwhelming evidence that it’ll provide any extra health benefits.

If you do want to try adding MCTs into your diet, it’d be more affordable (and nearly as effective) to enjoy modest amounts of the natural version found in coconut oil and even dairy.

Previously published on dietvsdisease.org

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The post Should You Be Taking MCT Oil? We Review the Evidence appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2OWy7bf

Sports – Detox – Episode – 102

This week, Michael leaves Wai for the red rocks of Utah’s beautiful outdoor wilderness. On his own, Wai tackles Notre Dame’s Women’s Head Coach Muffet McGraw’s comments regarding gender equality. Wai also dives deep into the archaic demeaning discipline that so many coaches employ. Does it work? Is there something better? The short of it is, we need to do better as a society.

“Sports Detox” is an at times serious and at times humorous weekly podcast that looks at the latest stories from the world of sports—both positive and negative—that are tied into cultural and societal issues. Hosts Wai Sallas and Mike Kasdan are equal parts rabid sports fan and serious social commentator. The Detox is a back-and-forth pop-culture-infused peeling of the onion of sports that gets at its many layers and reverberations.

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The post Sports – Detox – Episode – 102 appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2VAEROI

When Sex Leads To Friendship

Last month, when my dating life seemed completely hopeless, I was on the phone with my friend who, among other things, is a psychologist. She coached me through my last major relationship and subsequent break-up, so she was well aware of my hot button issues. I mention this only because, during that recent phone call, as winter was ramping down, she suggested that I stop looking to get in a relationship and just try to find a sexual partner. Her explanation was that from everything she knew about me, she could tell that I used the word “relationship” when what I really meant was “sex.”

I wasn’t entirely convinced. As I continued to think about what she had recommended, I had to try to come to terms with who I really was as a person. I always considered myself emotionally evolved on a profound level and hook-up culture never seemed right for me. I was too sensitive for that kind of thing.

Or was I?

There was quite a bit to unpack there. In one respect, I love living alone and having the freedom of living my own life. The two months I spent over the winter, writing my book in complete solitude, was probably one of the most significant periods of my life. I had the unique opportunity to really get to know who I was, along with the experience of accomplishing one of the greatest achievements I could imagine. This was the sort of thing that never could’ve happened if I cohabitated with a lover.

But something was missing. Was it really as simple as the act of sex? I still wasn’t sure.

A few weeks passed and I received a Facebook message from a friend of a friend who mentioned that she had read quite a few of my recent articles and suggested that since we were both looking for physical release, perhaps we could be useful to each other. Obviously, this lacks the cinematic flair that many of us long for at the beginning of a sexual relationship, but for myself, it fit right into the pragmatic era I seem to be going through.

Before long, I found myself making the hour-long drive to her house. Mind you, I have very little experience with sexual liaisons that involve people I met minutes earlier, but there is a bit of excitement that goes along with that and it had been a long winter — excitement was exactly what I needed.

There was something else about the incident that I found satisfying, as well. Human connection. It had been so long since I had felt my body intermingling with another body that I forgot about the incredible release of brain chemical happiness that takes place as a result of this. It felt beautiful, not cheap — as I was afraid it might initially.

On the drive home, it occurred to me that “cheap” is a word we use to describe the way we feel about ourselves based on societal conventions. When we are brought up to believe that we need to go on three dinner dates with a stranger before it is proper to take our clothes off with them, anything less than that can make us feel strange. In essence though, what do we know about that person that I didn’t know about the person I had just been with? Not much. If anything, there was a little more honesty involved in what I had just experienced.

As time goes on and we joke and laugh with each other between visits, it feels like we are becoming closer friends. The conversations range from what we liked about our last experience and what we didn’t like; where we’ll meet next time and sometimes even about personal lives. It would be short-sighted not to imagine that it could possibly grow into something deeper and closer — however, there is quite a bit of physical distance between us. So, that could be challenging.

What I’ve learned, though, is that we’ve been programmed by societal norms to hope that we’ll meet a person, become friends real quick and watch it blossom into a physical relationship. This felt like something that took place more organically in college. The environment was right for that. Here at middle age, slowly becoming friends with the person you are having sex with feels more authentic. It might just be a question of logistics.

Whatever it is, I can say this for sure: I haven’t been this content for a long time.

Previously published here and reprinted with the author’s permission.

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The post When Sex Leads To Friendship appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2KkE9DT

How to Supercharge Your Visibility on Facebook With Just 30 Minutes a Day

March 2017 will forever be the month where everything changed in my life and my business – all in one day. I will never forget my husband’s face as the doctor was telling him the suspected diagnosis. Lymphoma, very aggressive, looks like the last stages, “we can make no promises.” All I felt as I heard these words was deafening numbness.

Everything I hoped for, the life I planned, including our long overdue wedding in three weeks, the beautiful picture of our future – all seemed to crumble into pieces right before my eyes. The day after, I committed to doing something totally unexpected. I refused to give cancer any energy. I decided to use the energy to build my online business to become financially free and location independent. This would help my husband live the life of his dreams, so he could stay happier and healthier for many years to come.

I decided to take my Facebook profile and use it to become visible to those people who may need my expertise. Yes, you read it right, not my business page, my personal profile. By 2017, pages have seen such a decline in organic reach that there was no hope to be seen by enough people to bother using them for any sort of impact.

The best asset my business had was me. I was determined to find clients that would respect me as an expert, but also share my passions and love who I was as a person. This would help create a joyful process in running my business, instead of bringing me constant stress and disappointment. To do this required a particular approach to growing my business.

You see, people are not hanging out on Facebook to buy, so anyone with the objection of making quick sales will feel disappointed with the results. Yet, if you really focus on the keyword “Social” in social media – it becomes clear that to succeed, we must shift our attention from short term revenue reports to a long-lasting value-based relationship building.

This realisation was the key reason why my odd decision to use my Facebook profile to build my visibility and create an online business worked so well.

I was able to get insanely active, connect to hundreds and thousands of people, and turn my strategy into an organic client attraction method that brought results! I was able to do this while caring for my sick husband, helping my daughter through the final exams at school and university applications, and finding ways to balance everything without overwhelming myself.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein

Here is my 30-Minute Facebook Visibility Strategy:

1. Focus On Creation (10 min)

The reason social media marketing can be so overwhelming is because we get sucked into consuming content rather than creating it.

I spend about 10 minutes writing a long post or doing a live video on my profile. I set some time separately to create a library of photos, usually selfies, that can be used with my posts for extra personal connection. It also saves me time deciding what to add to accompany my posts.

Some days I spend a couple of minutes more on creating a quick story to share something I saw or post something to boost engagement: a short statement, a question, something that just came into my mind. We cannot be serious all the time  – this is social media, and it is essential to be real and authentic, just what you would be in what my daughter calls “the Outernet.”

2. Focus On Engagement (10 min)

Creating your content is very important, but to be visible, you must get busy engaging with other people’s content. Spend at least 10 minutes going through your Newsfeed, commenting on other people’s posts, not just liking them. Give value when you can (without uninvited coaching), and tag other people to bring them into the conversations if possible.

You can also go through your friends’ list and visit profiles of people you do not seem to see in the newsfeed. Check out their recent posts and engage with one or two. If you want to ramp it up – send them a personal message, referring to the post, which leads us to the last and most important activity.

“The best marketing strategy ever: CARE.” – Gary Vaynerchuk

3. Focus On Conversations (10 min)

You see, attraction marketing works, but here is what gurus keep to themselves. When you are starting to build your visibility, you must spend a lot of time and effort in conversations with people. Remember though- this is a social media network and your messages must have the agenda to connect. Not convert!

The last and most important element is to grow your audience. This means sending out friend requests to strangers and actually talking to them. I understand this may be shocking for you to read, but this is the truth. Building relationships with people pays off.

Since we know they are not logging into their Facebook accounts to get spammed with salesy messages, let’s employ a different tactic that converts like magic: it is based on the fact that “People do not buy FROM you. They buy INTO you.” Creating real conversations with real people helps you figure out what do they and you have in common.

You understand what keeps them stuck and how you can help them.  This means you get to define your ideal client and create offers they see as the perfect fit for their needs. Overtime, they’ll grew to like you. This puts you in a very strong position to convert them into clients. THAT is how you create conversions in your business.

  • Show up with your content.
  • Acknowledge and engage with other user’s content while becoming even more visible to them.
  • Connect and talk to them to make them feel they are not just a number on your friends’ list.

If you implement these small steps every day, your visibility will grow with a huge impact, as you are connecting to people authentically and those who need you will be able to see you and realise – you are the one who they were looking for!

My journey is a testament to this simple strategy. And what is more important, the decision to focus all my energy on making my dreams come true has also paid off with my husband recovering to full health against all the odds.

Are you prepared to do something completely unexpected and at odds to succeed? Try my 30-minute daily visibility strategy for six months, and share your results below!

source https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/how-to-supercharge-your-visibility-on-facebook-with-just-30-minutes-a-day/

When People Feel Entitled to Power, Stuff Happens (None of It Good)

Try completing the following sentence:

When people feel entitled to power, ___________ happens.


I’m not sure what your list looks like, but here’s mine.

  • When people feel entitled to power, domestic abuse happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, racism happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, war happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, environmental abuse happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, fraud happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, misogyny happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, wealth inequality happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, gun violence happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, election fraud happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, homophobia happens.
  • When people feel entitled to power, corruption happens.

The word “entitled” is important here. It’s possible to have been in a position of power and NOT have any of these things happen.

Some people like to be a boss in a company, and they know how to lead with kindness and compassion and intelligence. Some people use words to create powerful actions—investigative journalists, or artists who transcend and inform. Some people have powerful jobs in government and can do those jobs with empathy for all the people they serve.

We all know bosses and authors and leaders who are kind and helpful, who don’t abuse people, or commit fraud or create environmental abuse or resort to physical violence or perpetuate racist systems.

The reason the conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century is so important is because, historically, white men have disproportionately been in positions of power. And therefore, some of them feel entitled to that power.

And when people feel entitled to power, bad things happen.

This topic, as well as many other topics critically important to men and masculinity, are discussed on our weekly call with the publisher. Join us on Fridays at 3 pm Eastern/12 pm Pacific.

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The post When People Feel Entitled to Power, Stuff Happens (None of It Good) appeared first on The Good Men Project.

from The Good Men Project http://bit.ly/2WRPAUV